A prayer through time
by TheEternalSinner
Summary: After all the years Natsuki has lived in the house she never entered her own attic. But when she finally does a weird accident happens. And with that she unknowingly changes the outcome of the most important choice in a certain persons life. AU Shiznat
1. Mission to the Unknown

Chapter one- A interesting story

"So you have never been there in your entire life?"

"No Mai for the tenth time today I have never set foot in that room before" I said as we were walking up the stairs.

"But you grew up in this house! Weren't you curious?"

I groaned "Yes I was Mai, but the door was always locked _and _the my mom always said it was haunted…"

I saw Mai grin "And you believed her?" She laughed

"Yeah I did" I realized how stupid that sounded "I was like six years old then okay, and after that I never gave it much thought anymore… It was just the room that never opened"

"Ahw how cute, I can almost picture a young Natsuki being terrified of a locked door"

"MAI!" She was laughing.

We had reached the attic now and I pulled a old dusty key out off my pocket. I almost felt a little nervous as I put the key in the lock of the big wooden door. It was a weird idea to finally enter the attic. I turned the key and heard a click. The door was open.

"Well here it goes" I said and pushed it open and stepped inside with Mai following close behind.

"WHOA! This is amazing! Look at all the stuff in here" Mai exclaimed excitingly " it looks so old… look it's so dusty. Natsuki do you think we can sell the dust to some museum? It must be ancient"

I smiled at her and walked further inside. I kneeled in front of a drawer and started looking at what it contained. Mai did the same on the opposite side of the dusty room.

"Natsuki, this is so exiting, everything in here is probably not touched and seen in years. Who knows what secrets may lay hidden inhere"

"Old cups" I said and showed her a few cups I had found in the drawer. They where torn by the process of aging.

She chuckled "There must be something more interesting in here Natsuki, maybe a old treasure map or a diary of a old man with his deepest secrets. Come on use your imagination for once Natsuki"

"Fine fine, so treasure hunting it is. Understood" I mumbled and continued digging in the old mess.

This was me. Natsuki Kuga, twenty-one years old. I live in a small town in England that wasn't listed on most maps. I have a deceased father and a mother who travels over the world because of her job as a scientist. Forcing me to spend most my childhood with nannies. And after I turned twenty-one two months ago my mom had finally decided to let me live alone. First I had been overwhelmed with joy of having this home completely for myself, but after a while I figured that being alone also meant cleaning the house alone and cooking alone. Which I wasn't really good at and lacked the time to do it since I was still attending college. And when Mai visited me a while ago she was shocked to find the mess I created. She immediately decided I wasn't allowed to live alone and moved in. She turned out to be extraordinary good at cooking and cleaning and was looking for a place to stay anyway.

We had cleaned the whole house together and that was when we found the key to this room. I still didn't really understand why no one bothered to chance this room for such a long time. There was all kinds of furniture that would probably break if I would sit on it. There where books that where so old that some of them where hand written and some would fall apart if you tried to open them.

I switched position and opened another drawer. This one was completely empty except for a small box made of wood. It was beautiful, or at least it had been when it was new. Now it was torn, cracked and full of holes. But still I could see the decorations that where on it clearly. There was a picture of a woman, probably slightly older than me, with long curly hair, cut out on it. And she was surrounded by plants, leaves, birds and butterflies. She had been beautiful.

Curiosity got the best of me and I carefully opened the wooden box. I was disappointed to see it only contained a letter, folded up. I picked it up. It seemed like time hadn't touched it at all. it was looking like it had been written yesterday. I unfolded it and began reading.

_Friday 13__ September 1852,_

_Today will be__ the day I shall bid farewell to my loved ones. It seems there is no place for me in this world anymore. I pray that my daughter will not be affected by my early departure and live on happily with her life. It is the least she deserves. She never had it easy with a emotional depressed widow as only parent. I hope now she will get the love I was unable to give her._

_I wish there was a other solution for me but I am afraid there is not. I cannot continue this any longer. Even hell would be a better fate. The loneliness and saddens I feel on a daily base is enough to kill anyone. I hope my mind will finally be in peace now. This will be my last attempt to end my endless torture. If my daughter had not existed I would have done this sooner. I tried to make the best of it for her sake. But my limit has been reached here. _

_Today will be the day I shall end my life._

_I hope that the village will accept __and raise my daughter as their own child._

_May G__od forgive me for my sins,_

_Shizuru Fujino_

I was speechless. Poor woman, I felt really sorry for her. This had been her final goodbye. It was a very desperate letter, the woman probably was out of options. And in a last desperate attempt to stop her pain she ended had her life. Wait! Fujino? That was my mother's maiden name. She changed her name into Kuga when she married my dad. That meant this woman was a ancestor of me! And her daughter was probably some great great great great grandmother of me.

I looked up and saw that Mai's her was buried in a pile of books, probably trying to find the most interesting, or a treasure map. I turned my attention to the box and letter again. I gasped. In the box was a small golden locket with a photo of a young woman on it. I was sure it hadn't been there the last time I checked. I looked closer, the woman was beautiful. It was a old worn black and white photo but still I could make out most of her features. She had long light colored hair and dark intense looking eyes. She looked like she had been through a lot. She was smiling but her eyes seemed like she just witnessed the death of a loved one. They where full of saddens and pain. And I realized it was the same woman as on the wooden box.

I picked up the necklace the locket was attached to. And held it up so the locket was hanging in front of my eyes. I carefully moved my index finger closer and stroked the picture.

It lightened up.

I blinked. I didn't believe my eyes. But there it was. Shining like a star. I wanted to throw it away but I couldn't move a muscle. Then everything went to quickly for me. The light got brighter and I was suddenly enveloped in a intense white light. "Mai!" I yelled and turned around. But there was no Mai. And no room. I looked at my hand, the locket was also gone. Then the white light chanced into all sorts of colors and shapes I couldn't identify. And the next moment I felt some hard object hit me in the back. My eyes closed in pain.

Everything stopped moving.

I didn't know how long I was lying against the object. Seconds, minutes maybe hours. I decided I had to do something. Slowly I opened my eyes a little, terrified at what I would see. But I only saw something blue. The sky. I moved my head a little so I could see what had hit me in the back. It was stone, ground, tiles. I was lying on a stone floor. I moved my body a little and discovered I wasn't in pain. Slowly I sat up and looked around. I was on a… train station? It was a rather odd one. It looked like the set of a old English roman. The only thing that was lacking where two people embracing after their reunion. My god, what happened, what did I do?

I stood up. And took a few steps. Everything here looked so old. There were no clocks, glowing signs, elevators or escalators. And it was completely empty as far I could see. The only thing that made this place a train station was the rails that I was standing in front of.

"Excuse me?"

I turned around and saw a woman my age sitting on a bench a just a few meters away. She was wearing a long brown coat and a old fashioned hat. She had long chestnut colored hair and deep, intense, crimson colored eyes.

_The woman from the locket, it was her!_ Flashed through my head.

"May I be so rude to ask what you are doing? I saw you suddenly lie on the ground. Are you okay?"

"Uh… yeah" I stuttered, this was too confusing. "I'm fine I was just… I tripped, yes I tripped!"

Smooth Natsuki, real smooth

"Ara, that's odd, I didn't see you walk _or _trip. Where did you came from? There was no train and there are no exits from the direction you just came from. Did you came flying perhaps?"

Crap, she's on to me… I probably wouldn't believe me either…

"Well you see… I came from…" Yeah how was I going to explain I somehow just transported here from my attic.

She chuckled and put a hand to her mouth. "Excuse me, that is none of my business. I am afraid my curiosity got the best of me. Can you forgive me miss… uh…"

"Kuga… Uh Natsuki Kuga is my name"

She smiled and held out her hand. "Can you forgive me miss Kuga? Let me introduce myself properly. My name is Shizuru Fujino"

Fujino! The woman who wrote the letter! My ancestor. But… didn't she kill herself? ... WAY in the past!?

"Something wrong miss Kuga?" Shizuru tilted her head to the left.

"No! I… I was just wondering… what is today's date?"

Someone had to be fucking with my mind.

"It's Friday the thirteenth today. Friday thirteen September 1852 to be precise… why?

That was the date of the letter she had written. She was going to kill herself today.

"Oh, I had forgotten it" It was the best reply I could think off.

She smiled again. "Your one curious woman you know that miss Kuga. Quite extraordinary if I may say so"

"Please just call me Natsuki, calling me miss Kuga makes me sound so old don't you think?"

She laughed a little. "Yes it does, okay then Natsuki it is. But in return you must call me Shizuru"

Now it was my turn to smile "Of course Shizuru. May I ask what you are doing here so alone without any luggage.. are you waiting for someone?

Her smile disappeared and I saw pain flicker in her eyes.

"No, I just… I was waiting for something yes…"

Suddenly there was a loud roaring, I turned around. There was a train coming. It was a steam locomotive. The picture was complete. It was clear now. By some unexplainable way I had ended up in the past. I hoped this was all just a bad dream. That I had hit my head against the drawer when I had tried to call Mai and that I was now lying unconscious on the floor of my attic.

The train stopped and the doors were opened. Shizuru slowly took a step forward.

"Is that your train Shizuru?" I asked carefully. She had been staring at the train and upon hearing her name she looked at me. Her eyes were filled with doubt.

"Natsuki I have to- " Her voice wavered and she looked desperate. "I am going to-"

Tears formed in her eyes, in embarrassment she covered them with her hands. I was shocked and without thinking I moved forward and embraced her. She cried out on my shoulder.

Now the scene was complete. Two people on a train station embracing in front of a train that was about to departure. There was even steam. How cliché. I stroked her back gently. The doors where closed again and a loud horn woke us up from our embrace.

I looked at Shizuru and she looked back at me with watery eyes. "What is wrong Shizuru? Is this your train? Are you afraid to go?"

She shook her head and tried to smile. "No, I was just waiting for… something, but it seems that it won't happen today"

"Oh" I mumbled confused. The train began to ride again. Shizuru looked at it intensely and sighed. "I missed my chance, this was the last train today" I heard her whisper.

"Huh?"

The train left the station and continued its journey. Shizuru suddenly grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "It's nothing, come on let's leave this station, or are you planning to spend the night here?" I noticed it was already dusk, within a hour it would be dark.

"No, I hope I can find something better than this" I joked and started to walk away, still holding Shizuru's hand.

"You haven't found a place to sleep yet?" She sounded surprised as she walked next to me.

Shit, I hadn't even thought off that…

"No I haven't… I just stumbled on this train station remember"

"Oh right, my my you are clouded in mystery aren't you?"

" Yeah I suppose I am.. but do you know a place to sleep, I don't feel much for sleeping on a bench"

She chuckled "No, I don't think that is very save for a young and beautiful lady like you" I blushed. "You could try the local inn… But I heard they aren't very friendly towards woman, so if you aren't planning to sleep with the bartender I wouldn't go there if I was you" She grinned.

"NO, that won't happen" I refused to let my first time be like that.

"Then I'm afraid there aren't much options left for you, this is a small village after all"

It was quite for a while.

"You could sleep at my house if you want…"

"Your house?"

"Yes, it's is big enough for five Natsuki's and its better than sleeping on a bench or with the bartender. And I think my child would love it if we had some company. We don't get that very often"

"Oh yeah… you have a daughter right?"

She gasped and stopped walking "How did you know that?"

Crap! That was true. She didn't tell me, it was written in her letter.

"Uh… I…" Oh how was I going to save myself from this. "I … Just forget that okay?" I looked at her. "Please?" She looked back and smiled. "Forget what?"

I grinned. And we continued out trip "So what's her name?"

"Her name is Kiyonia, but we usually call her Kiyo. Short and simple, It's not a common name I know but I just love it so much" She laughed.

"It's a beautiful name Shizuru" She looked at me. "Yes it is" She whispered. "Just like her"

"You care a lot about her" It wasn't a question just a statement.

"Yes I do, she is my world. I would do anything for her and she deserves a better mother and life"

"What why? You seem to care a lot about her!"

She smiled but in a sad way "I'm sorry I shouldn't have bothered you with that. Look Natsuki we have arrived"

I hadn't even looked around to see where we where once since we were talking so intense. We stopped walking in front of a big house… MY HOUSE! It looked way newer and some parts weren't there yet or had changed over the years… but is was obviously my house!

"Something wrong Natsuki? Your mouth is so wide open your chin almost touches the ground"

I recovered quickly from the shock. "No no, it's nothing. It just looks a little eh-… familiar… that's all"

"Oh, well I hope that is a good sign" She let my hand go, had I been holding hers the whole time?, an walked towards the door and opened it. I followed her a little uncertain.

"Kiyo I'm home!" She yelled and the sound of her voice was immediately followed by loud stumbling and footsteps.

"Mommy! You came back!" A small girl with chestnut hair to her shoulders and clear emerald eyes ran towards Shizuru. "I was so worried. I found your letter… but I couldn't read it. I'm sorry"

_A letter? Did she meant the letter I had seen in my… her attic?_

Shizuru seemed to be mentally tortured by something for a moment and quickly embraced her daughter.

"I'm so sorry I made you worry, my love. But everything is okay now, look I even brought a friend with me" She stepped aside and pointed at me. Kiyo noticed me and stared at me the same way Shizuru had.

"Uh… Hi Kiyo" I am so bad at these things "I am Natsuki. Uh, I'm sorry you where worried but I'm afraid I held up your mother a little"

"It's okay Tsuki" She mumbled in a adorable way. "I'm happy mommy is back" Shizuru smiled and grabbed the girls hand. "Well lets go inside shall we Kiyo? You to Natsuki" She walked inside and I followed. This was so weird, I was walking into my own house, and yet it wasn't. Everything except the walls and the floor where different. We entered the living room. The place where the TV had been was now a desk with toys and dolls on it, there were no couches, just four huge arm chairs, and there was a huge dining table in a corner. We always ate in front of the TV.

"Like what you see Natsuki?" I turned around and saw Shizuru grin. "Does this also look familiar to you?"

"Yes… A little.."

"Ara it almost seems like Natsuki has been here before, maybe she has been stalking me.?"

"No! This just reminds me of my mother's house…A lot"

"Ara shall I be your mommy then? I already have one daughter I think I would survive another one" she said jokingly.

"Yes!" Kiyo exclaimed "I want a big sis, then I won't be alone anymore when you are not feeling well mommy!"

"Okay that settles it then, Natsuki from today on you are officially my daughter"

"Oi, why can't I decide in this" I groaned "It is about me after all"

"You don't want to be my sis?" Kiyo asked with watery eyes.

"Oh don't cry please! Okay I'll be your sister please don't cry"

"Yeah! I have a sis now!" Kiyo ran towards me and embraced me. Though she only reached my waist. A little embarrassed I looked around and saw a piece of paper on the table I was standing next to. To hide my embarrassment I picked it up and started reading it.

_Friday 13 September 1852,_

_Today wil-_ The paper was roughly ripped out of my hand before I could read on. But I recognized it. It was Shizuru's farewell letter. I looked up and saw Shizuru with a shocked and scared expression staring at me.

"I am terribly sorry Natsuki but that is something private" her voice trembled a little. She ripped the paper in pieces and picked up something from the table. The locket. I recognized the Necklace it was attached to. "Now If you would excuse me. I need to cook dinner for my daughters I wouldn't want them to die of starvation right?" She winked at me and walked into the kitchen. The same place my kitchen was. I felt my stomach growl and I realized how hungry I was.

"Come Kiyo" I grabbed her hand. " let's play with your toys while your mommy cooks"

Her eyes became huge and she ran towards the desk with toys dragging me with her.

"Come Tsuki I want to show you them, I have all sorts of dolls and animals and games"

I sat down next to her and we started to play. So this was it. I had been sent exactly 157 years into the past and met some strange girl and her daughter who where ancestors of me. And now I was sitting in their house, which would become my house in the future. Things just couldn't get any better. Even though Shizuru was a really nice woman. She seemed warm and loving and it seemed like she cared a lot about her daughter. But she had been planning to kill herself. Behind her smile was something more. She had a lot of demons to fight. And somehow I felt like I was the one who had to assist her in that mission. Suddenly I realized something, Shizuru had ripped the paper in pieces. But still I had found it in the future. And If the woman would have went through with her plan she'd probably be dead by now. That could mean only one thing.

By going back in time, I had somehow chanced the past.

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Well~ What do you think, you like the idea? I like it A LOT! I just hope I wrote it in a good way. Not boring and stuff. I thinks it is kinda long, especially for a first chapter.

I'm not really sure how to continue this… but I'll think of something. Idea's are really welcome!

Oh and for those of you who hadn't realized it…. Shizuru was going to throw herself in front of the train. But since Natsuki appeared there she unknowingly stopped the poor woman. (Yeah)

Btw…. Do you think it's legal to marry your great great great great…. Great grandmother? XD I think it is… I mean… which moron would make such a law… besides… you can marry your nieces and nephews..


	2. Nightmare of Eden

Chapter 2- Nightmare of Eden

In the short amount of time I had spend at the home of Shizuru I had already discovered how talented she was. And with talented I mean extremely good in everything she did. Her cooking surpassed Mai's, which I thought was a miracle itself but then I saw what she used to cook with and I immediately declared the woman herself a miracle. The house looked way more cleaned then it had ever been when I had been the owner. And the garden looked like it came right out of a nature movie. Mine had only been filled with grass and some bushes that I couldn't identify but hers had all kinds of trees, flowers, herbs and a lot of other food producing plants which she apparently used to cook with.

It was late now and Shizuru had taken me to one of her guest rooms. Which was, ironically, my own old room. I was lying on my back and was staring at the ceiling. The day had been to hectic to just fall asleep. I sighed. What was I supposed to do? Apparently I was stuck in the past. I had no money and no place to go unless Shizuru would let me stay. And who would take a stranger in their home after one meal? I lay there for quite some time, thinking and trying to figure out what to do until I finally relaxed and succumbed into a deep but restless sleep.

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Everything was black. I couldn't see anything, not even what I was standing on. If I was standing on anything at all. And I was alone. Wait, no I wasn't. In the distance I could hear something that reminded me of faint crying. I immediately felt the irresistible urge to find out what was the cause of the sad noise. I started running. I ran in the direction I thought the sound was coming from. But it could have just as well been coming from the direction I was running away from. It didn't matter. The sound was everywhere. It drove me mad. I wanted to find the source so badly. My prayers must have been heard because finally I saw something in the distance. A faint light. The sobbing came from that direction. I ran towards it, glad I found the source. But I stopped as I recognized who it was the sound was coming from. It was Shizuru. She was sitting on her knees, her eyes covered with her hands and she was, I could feel myself blush a little, naked. A little embarrassed I stood there, not sure what to do next. But that was completely forgotten when I noticed that her sobs changed into words. Prayers.

"Someone p-please" She stuttered between sobs. "Save me"

The sound of her voice terrified me. It sounded so desperate and sad I felt my heart break. I couldn't move a muscle. As if I was frozen. I was torn between emotions. Fear was present, I was scared to death. But surprisingly I also felt a strong desire, no _need_ to protect and comfort the crying woman. In a attempt to conquer my fear I hesitantly took a step forward.

"Shizuru" I spoke in a soft tone. "Please don't cry, it's okay I'll save you" I couldn't think of anything better but it seemed to work. Or at least she had heard it because she looked up. She stared at me. Her eyes filled with… hope?

"You will?" She whispered in such a hopeful voice I that ripped the remaining pieces of my heart apart.

"Yes. I will" I said a little louder now and took another step forward.

For a moment she just sat there looking at me with her piercing eyes as I slowly walked towards her. I had almost reached her as she suddenly screamed out, as if in massive pain.

"No! Don't lie to me! No one can!" She cried out and tears where streaming down her face. I stood there. Stunned. In horror I saw something else. Black plant like thorns appeared and where surrounding her. Twisting and turning around her arms, legs and body.

"No one can…" she repeated softly and closed her eyes as the thorns around her grew and increased.

I was terrified, I panicked. My instincts told me to get away but in my heart I knew I couldn't just leave her there. So instead of backing away I took one giant leap and finally reached her. In one smooth movement I kneeled beside her and pulled her towards me, hugging her in a tight embrace. I felt the thorns pierce my skin painfully but I only tightened my grip.

"I can"

She stopped crying and the thorns stopped growing. She looked at me, she believed me, I could see it in her eyes. A small smile formed on her lips, though a little uncertain. I smiled back and opened my mouth to say something. But before I could I was hit by some powerful wave. I got knocked over and everything went black.

After I was sure everything had stopped I slowly opened my eyes and looked around hoping I'd see something familiar.

Rails.

Oh great, I was back on the train station. I had hoped the place had brought me enough trouble but clearly I had been wrong. I looked if I could see anyone, and this time I also looked behind me, but this time the station was really empty. Or at least it was until I heard footsteps in the distance. Someone was approaching. And I had already a hunch at who it might be. And indeed I turned out to be right. A chestnut haired woman with deep crimson eyes stepped around the corner. Shizuru. It seemed like this was her favorite hanging spot.

I waved at her. But she didn't wave back. In fact, she ignored me completely. I felt a little offended. She had now reached me and walked right past me. Okay that did it. I reached for her shoulder. "Oi Shizuru, I'm here you kno-" The rest of my words was stuck in my throat as I watched my hand go right through her shoulder. And still she didn't look. My hand just went through her body and she didn't even blink.

I wasn't real.

That was why she couldn't see me and I couldn't touch her. It was the only explanation. I felt fear boil up inside me. What happened? Was I dead? Was this a hallucination? Shizuru stopped walking, she was standing beside the rails.

"_Well here I am. It's too late to return now"_

That voice! It was hers. Those where her words. But they weren't coming from her mouth, they came from inside my head. I could read her thoughts. I was_ inside _her thoughts. Everything she was seeing, hearing and feeling I could as well. I watched as Shizuru suddenly moved again. She walked over to the same bench she had been sitting the last time and sat down on the same spot.

I gave her a closer look. She was wearing clothes identical to the ones she had been wearing the first time I had met her here. No, they were the same. Everything here was the same as last time. She even sat in the same pose. It was the same moment I realized. Only I hadn't arrived yet.

This was a flashback.

"_Am I making the right choice in doing this?"_

I could feel she was having quite a hard time. I wasn't exactly sure why but her head was filled with doubts. I watched as she put her head in her hands.

"_Kiyo, I'm so sorry. You deserve a better mother. One who can shower you with care and love. You have had such a hard time, but hopefully you can forget all about me now and live a happy and easy life"_

I still didn't understand why she thought she was such a bad mom. Kiyo loved her dearly, that was obvious. The house was clean, she was a wonderful cook. It seemed to me like she was better in looking after a child than any of my nannies had been.

"_Someone. Please. Please stop me"_

Stop her? I was getting curious, but at the same time something inside me told me that I didn't want to find out.

"_I don't want to go through with this. But if something doesn't happen now I am afraid I won't have a choice"_

I saw het put her hands together and close her eyes. She was praying.

"_Please God, send me something, someone, anything, to stop me"_

Nothing happened. Not even the wind was blowing. Poor woman. I wished she was able to see me so I could comfort her. Looking up to the sky I noticed it was slowly getting darker. This was about the time I came 'falling from the sky' as she had called it. I fixed my vision on the spot where I had first opened my eyes. Hoping I would see myself. I heard Shizuru sigh, and she opened her eyes again.

"_It appears even god has forsaken me__"_

I started to feel uncomfortable. Something deep inside me knew what she was planning to do but I didn't want to acknowledge it.

"_I think I deserve this though. I have already sinned so much in this short life. I never was truly faithful to my husband. How could I? I knew from the beginning I could never love him. And all the horrible things I did after he passed away. The village knows. They know about my nightly rendezvous. They whisper behind my back, saying I'm unworthy for my status and threat me like a outsider. Even Kiyo knows. I think I find that the worst off all. I may have never loved my husband but I am truly grateful he gave me such a wonderful daughter"_

I could hear a loud roaring approach quickly. A train was coming. It was the same train as last time. And I was nowhere in sight. What happened? This was a flashback right? Then why wasn't I here now? Shizuru stood up and walked in the direction of the incoming train.

Then the horrible truth hit me. I wasn't going to appear. Panic grew inside me as I realized what was about to happen. And to my surprise I felt that Shizuru was utterly calm. It was scary.

"_This is it"_

_Please just go in the train. Please just go inside. Please__…_ I was hoping with all my might she would.

But she didn't.

She walked past it and only stopped walking as she had reached the far end of the station. Hidden behind in the shade of a wall. It was quite a long station. The train probably had enough time to gain some speed before it reached the end of the station. She had planned it all perfectly. Big chance no one would ever find out the truth about what happened on this day and place. Except me.

She was waiting.

The doors of the train closed and slowly it started moving again. I could only watch in horror as I felt Shizuru tighten her muscles. She took a step backwards. Her mind was blank, I could feel that. Even her doubt had disappeared. She had decided this long ago.

The train reached her, reached us, and Shizuru dashed forward.

"SHIZURU NO!" I screamed even though I knew it was futile. She reached the edge of the station. And with one last final step she jumped. Without any hesitation. Right in front of the approaching train…

"_Kiyonnia… I'm sorry" _

There were no tears on her face.

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

I my eyes shot up and I was panting heavily. The nightmare was still fresh on my mind. Where was I? I looked up and saw a ceiling. My ceiling. My first thought was that I was save inside my bedroom. I relaxed and looked for my clock, trying to figure out what time it was. I looked at my drawer where it usually was…There was no clock. In fact, there wasn't a drawer either. I felt panic growing inside me. Desperately I looked around, hoping I'd see any of my stuff. But there was no closet, no TV, no games, no CD's even my giant stuffed wolf was gone. The reality hit me…hard. Attic, locket, train station, Shizuru, home, Kiyo, nightmare. I felt nauseous and I was worried about Shizuru. She was okay right? It had just been a dream…

Slowly I sat up, trying to get some grip on the situation. I suddenly felt terrified. I was alone in a world I didn't belong and almost certainly wouldn't fit in. I'd surly die if I didn't find a place to live soon. I had read in my history books how hard this century was. I stood up and noticed I was wearing a nightgown. That was _so _not my taste. I quickly took it off and dressed into my own clothes which I had thrown in a corner last night. Just when I was putting on my bra there was a knock on the door.

"Natsuki? Can I come in?"

Shizuru! I was so relieved to hear her voice after my horrible nightmare.

'Yeah! Sure" I heard myself reply.

Then I realized what I was wearing. Crap! I had forgotten I was naked besides some panties and my bra. I wanted to yell at Shizuru not to come in. But it was too late. The door had already opened and Shizuru stepped inside.

"Natsuki I don't want to make you feel rushed but Kiyo and I are getting quite hungry, are you able to join us for breakfa- O-oh my…"

She eyed me from top to bottom and I noticed her cheeks turned a little pink. Woman in this century were probably not used to seeing things like this. But since I had been the one who let her in I decided to pretend like there was nothing wrong.

"Breakfast you say? Yes I'm starving, I'm sorry I made you wait. I'm horrible at waking early"

Nice recovery Natsuki.

"O-oh yes of course we can wait a little longer. That won't be a problem"

I had been expecting her to nod and rush out of the room but she didn't. Instead she gave me a curious look and frowned a little. Making me shift uncomfortably.

"Natsuki, May I be so rude to ask what it is you are wearing up there?" She asked while pointing at my chest.

"This?" I looked down at my undergarment. "It's just my bra…"

She blinked. "Bra? I'm sorry could you enlighten me? I'm afraid I don't know what you are talking about"

You have _got _to be kidding me.

Bras weren't invented yet here? Oh, how was I going to save myself?

"I-it's just something woman use to… you know… keep 'em up…" I was stuttered like a teenager.

For a moment Shizuru just stared at me. But she suddenly burst into laughter.

"My my, Natsuki you're so adorable. 'Keep 'em up?' I never heard anyone use that phrase before" she chuckled.

"Oi! Don't laugh at me! You're the one who doesn't know what a bra is… besides…does that mean you aren't wearing anything underneath that" I said and pointed at her dress.

"No of course I have something underneath this. I am not some poor woman who cannot afford proper clothing" Oh, apparently I had hit a sensitive spot.

Suddenly she got a mischievous smile on her lips.

"Would Natsuki like to_ see_ for herself perhaps?" She said and quickly unbuttoned her dress.

"No! wait! It's okay really I believe you…" I stopped talking when I saw what was underneath it.

A corset.

"Oh my god, how can you even breath in that thing. I'd die within a minute. Do you know how unhealthy those things are?"

She blinked. "It's what every woman wears here Natsuki. And breathing isn't that hard.." She answered a little offended while putting her dress back on.

"But… oh never mind!" It was futile to try and explain. She grew up with those horrible things. I grabbed my clothes and began to dress further.

"Uh Natsuki?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure you're going to wear that?"

"Yeah why? Is something wrong with it?"

"Well… not if you mind people staring at you"

I hate it when people stare at me.

"Why would people stare at me?"

"Well… first… woman usually don't wear pants. That is for men. And second, your clothes are quite ..eh.. unique.. to say the least. Both the fabric and style is something I've never seen before. I think the people would give you quite a funny look if you would go up the street"

I wasn't liking where this was getting at.

"So what are you suggesting then?"

Her eyes lighted up. "Oh I have a wonderful dress that would fit you perfectly" She exclaimed happily and grabbed my hand. Dragging me out of the room.

"Do I have to? I've never worn something like this in my entire life" I groaned. It was a blue dress with ribbons and all sorts of other decorations on it. It was so girly. I mean, it had _ribbons_…

"Yes, I'm afraid you have no choice, unless you want to become the towns freak"

"Okay okay fine… but you're going to have to tell me how to get this thing on… can I step into it or something?"

Shizuru chuckled. "Let me help you" She grabbed the dress, opened the buttons on the back and held it in front of me so I could easily slide it around my arms and body. I figured I could do it myself from here and attempted to close the back of the dress. But that turned out to be a lot harder than I had expected. It didn't matter how I twisted my arms they couldn't reach the buttons so that they were able to close them. I was so occupied with trying to get the damn thing on that I didn't notice Shizuru had moved. So it came as a complete surprise when I suddenly felt a soft finger slide across my bare back.

"Uwhoa! Shi-Shizuru.. What are you doi-"

"Ara, it seems Natsuki needs my help with everything, doesn't she?" Shizuru spoke in a soft tone and started to close the buttons. I sighed in defeat and decided to let her do it. This was her specialty after all. I relaxed as her smooth fingers worked their way up my back. As she was almost finished I felt her stroke my back slightly again. I shivered. This woman had a strangely large effect on me.

"Done"

"Eh?" I woke up from my daze. "Oh, right. Thank you"

"Natsuki was dozing off wasn't she? Perhaps she secretly enjoyed my touch?"

"No I wasn't! I…I was…" I suspected nothing wise would come out off my mouth anymore so I just closed it.

"Na-tsu-ki… I was joking"

I felt my cheeks flush. "I knew that!"

"Of course you did" She smiled playfully and grabbed my hand. "Now let's go before Kiyo starves to death"

She took me to the dining table in the living room. I felt a little guilty when I saw that it was already fully prepared for a breakfast, including a really furious looking Kiyo.

"Mommy what took you so long? Did you have to help Tsuki chance or something?" She grumbled angry, making me feel even more guilty because she had unknowingly said the truth. But then she noticed me and her eyes became huge.

"Oh Tsuki! You're so pretty in that dress. It's mommy's right? I know that because is a very special dress. Mommy only wears it on special occasions"

"Thank you" I mumbled shyly. I wasn't used to people praising me. I focused my attention at Shizuru.

"Special?"

Shizuru grinned at me. "You're special" She said and guided me over to the table. We sat down and I eyed all the food. I realized how hungry I had been and wanted to immediately start eating. But right before I wanted to grab something I noticed both Shizuru and Kiyo had their eyes closed and there hand folded in front of their face. They were praying. Oh shit, I had completely forgotten that. They had done it last night as well. I wouldn't want them to think I disrespected there God and immediately copied there pose. But what now…. I had never prayed before in my entire life except yesterday. And then my mind had been to full of other thoughts and I just waited until there were finished. I figured this time I might as well give it a try.

_Uh… Dear God…. God this was stupid. Wait no, be serious now. I am not entirely sure why I am here__… or what I am doing here. And I'm not sure if it was you who is responsible for sending me here. But my guess is that if there is a reason I'm here, it has to do something with Shizuru. She's more than meets the eye… a lot more. She seems to be suffering from something. So my question to you is: could you give her the strength to overcome her problems? Uh… oh right… Amen._

I opened my eyes and saw that both Kiyo and Shizuru where already done and where now staring at me with the same mischievous grin on their face.

"You had a lot to confess Natsuki?"

"No, I was just… thanking God that I have found such wonderful hosts. Because if I hadn't met you last night I wouldn't have known what to do"

Shizuru seemed touched. "Natsuki I'm glad I have met you, our home seems a lot more lively with you in it"

"I'm happy as well Tsuki!" Kiyo added.

Now it was my time to feel touched. "Thank you… really" I whispered. This was one of the first time in my life I felt truly welcome in my own house.

And at last I could eat, during the meal Shizuru told me all about what she had in store for me. She had to go to the market but after that she promised she was going to show me around town. It surprised me, I thought they were expecting me to leave after breakfast. But clearly they thought otherwise. I was at least going to spend the day with them. Not that I minded, I felt strangely comfortable around the two.

At the time I didn't realize it. But I was taking my first small steps in adjusting to this new life.

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Doooonnnneeee~ I'm not sure about this chapter…. I just needed it to explain a few things but now it feels like I have told nothing at allXD Oh well… Next chapter will be fun. I had to cut off the last part of this one because it was getting to long. So chapter 3 is on its way.

I have never actually see anyone jump in front on a train. Not in real life, a movie or a book so it was quite hard for me to image Shizuru's emotions. I hope it turned out well.

By the way, I did a little research about the 19th century, or the Victorian age. And I was quite surprised, they have things like toilets and streetlights. I think most of you are like "Duh! Everyone knows that" But I always pictured that period as well.. ours but without gas electricity and toiletsXD I also looked up the bra thingy… real bra's are invented in 1893 and until that woman wore corsets.

Apparently the poor children had to work(They called it working class) but the ones of the better classes(Middle, wealthy and aristocracy) went to school in church, or if they where rich enough to a private school. Boys could have a education but girls only learned things like Reading and sewing.

And you may haven't noticed it yet but Shizuru is pretty wealthy even though her husband died and she doesn't work. So Kiyo goes to school in the church a few days in the week. And you can probably guess what her 'sins' are…. Those things where sins in that age… well at least she won't get pregnant by doing itXD

The Eternal Sinner.

11


	3. The empty Child

Chapter 3 "The Empty Child"

A week.

That's how long I have been living with Shizuru now. Yes, I was still living with the woman. I had assumed that she expected me to leave. But when I told her that, she asked me where I was planning to go. And since I couldn't really answer that, she got somewhat angry and demanded me to stay, at least until I got some money. So I stayed and simply tried to adjust to this new life of mine. I think it went well.

I have learned more than I ever have in school. And my life is so full and busy I barely have the time to miss my TV, games, my iPod and all the other highly advanced stuff they'd probably call 'witchcraft' here. Shizuru also made me to go to church twice a week. On Sunday and on a Wednesday or Thursday, whatever fitted better. At first I thought it would be horrible, but it had been so much better than I expected. Shizuru had been astounded by the fact that I didn't know any of the songs they sang besides Merry Christmas. So she now gave me lessons in those songs and singing altogether since I never did that well. I found out Shizuru was breathtakingly good in archery, which was considered a 'feminine' sport here. She could hit the smallest target with ease. When I told her she could probably shoot fruit out of people's head without piercing them, she and Kiyo got the 'wonderful' idea to practice on me and I ended up tied to a tree with an apple on my head and eyes tightly shut.

Much to my embarrassment, Shizuru discovered I didn't only suck at singing but that I lacked any sort of skill in things like cooking, cleaning, sewing, washing, horse riding and any form of etiquette. Which caused her to promptly decide that she was going to teach me all that stuff I thought was unnecessary.

But of course… you can't say no to a lady, or at least not to this one, trust me I've tried… but she just wouldn't take it for a answer, and now I find myself most of the time doing ridiculous chores like cleaning stuff while wearing some sort of embarrassing apron that's so short every time I'd bend over I could hear Shizuru chuckle. She said it was her own when she was younger and kept it around for Kiyo but figured I would probably fit it as well. Well apparently I did not. I tried to live with the thing but after Shizuru nearly choked on her tea after I picked up something from the carpet I decided it was enough. So I begged Shizuru to come with me to the market and buy me the material for a apron that would fit. Fortunately she agreed with me, although only after she made me beg on my knees. And of course I had to listen to Shizuru who kept telling me 'How cute I looked while wearing it, especially while bending over' she just never grew tired of saying such things. If I hadn't known her so well I might have thought she wasn't joking.

Unfortunately, getting material also meant I had to sew the thing together first. And that was hard. Shizuru had taught me the basic rules but still my process went annoyingly slow and on top of that I kept sewing my fingers together.

But I can proudly announce that instead my cooking was doing good. Shizuru just couldn't understand how a woman of twenty one was unable to cook a decent meal for herself. But after I had incautiously answered something like "Duh… microwave?" she had wisely stopped asking and instead decided to teach me. After I nearly lit the house twice I figured out how it worked and turned out to be rather skilled. Except for the fact that I had declared washing without a washing machine 'stupid, boring and a total hell, especially when you had no one to talk to' I thought things were going rather well. But still Kiyo surpassed me by miles. Speaking of the girl, I had found out that even here children where already forced to go to the horrible thing called school. Except hers was in the church and she only had to go three times in the week. And since she was a girl the only things they taught her there where bible things, reading, writing a little math and for the rest about the same things Shizuru was teaching me. I wasn't exactly happy when I had heard she wasn't allowed to go to a real education and it had taken Shizuru quite a while to stop me from going in to a rage and start a war for feminism. Later I figured it was probably better to let the things stay how they were now and chance as least as possible in the timeline. There could be a possibility I would never be born… or a third world war or something. I couldn't decide which one was worst.

* * *

It was night now. Kiyo had gone to bed and Shizuru and I were sitting quietly in the living room. She was reading something and I was doing the horrible sewing. And even though I despised the task I was enjoying the moment. Everything was so calm at the moment. Almost serene. I can't remember experiencing such a quiet and peaceful moment in this house. When I had been the owner, I always made sure at least one thing was making a noise, usual the TV.

I tore my vision apart from the needle and glanced around the room. I smiled, it wasn't so bad here. The people where a lot more sophisticated than I expected and the best thing of all… flushing toilets! I had already pictured myself going outside at night in the rain to pee in the gutter or something. So this was a welcoming surprise. My eyes rested on Shizuru, that woman was a one of a kind. No doubt about it. In the past days I had discovered how much she loved to tease. Especially me. Every opportunity to tease me she took, making me blush continuously. I swear, I had expected the women of this time to be nice, sweet and most of all prude. Well that was not the case with Shizuru. Not at all. The woman drove me crazy with her obvious sexual hi jinks all the time.

Shizuru apparently noticed she was being stared at because she looked up and met my gaze. Feeling a little busted I smiled. And she smiled back. It was such a warm and lovable smile I immediately forgot the world around me and was lost in her eyes. God she was beautiful. For one small, wonderful moment she was all that existed for me. As if the whole world turned just for her. Somewhere in the back of my head a little voice told me Shizuru affected me more than was normal, but I didn't listen. All I wanted was to simply enjoy this moment. But, sadly, that moment left very quickly as I felt a sharp pain slice through my finger. I had sewed into my finger… again. I used all my self control not to scream and yell every curse I knew because Shizuru didn't really appreciated it and carefully pulled the needle out of my finger. And now it was bleeding. Great. Blood was pouring out. All over my hand. How could such a small hole bleed so much?

"Natsuki, you should really learn to be more careful" Shizuru said in a motherly, disapproving tone, she was suddenly standing in front of me. How did she do that so quickly? I expected her to grab a bandage or something but I should have known better by now. Instead of a bandage she grabbed my bleeding finger and after a short intense glance at me she put it in her mouth. She closed her eyes and sucked gently. And of course, my brain failed to react. It just went blank because there simply wasn't a reaction in there for this kind of situation. I stood there, staring blankly at her._ Continue, please. _ I felt her tongue flick slightly over my finger and then the unthinkable happened.

"A-ah"

Oh no. That couldn't be. Please say that sound didn't just come out of my mouth. I carefully looked at Shizuru and her expression confirmed what I was fearing. It _had_ came out of my mouth. And the cause of all this was now staring at me, obviously perplexed but I also saw a slight hint of amusement. But as soon as she caught me looking she smiled mischievous and seemed clearly satisfied.

"Ara, I didn't know Natsuki could make such _feminine_ sounds…"

My face turned red. Tomato-style red. I pulled my hand back form hers and backed away.

"I- I didn't! I just…" I stammered " Stop those stupid things for once!" I yelled and ran past her, towards my room.

"And leave me alone!" I yelled right before I slammed the door.

As soon as I reached the bed I let myself fall on it. With a loud thud I landed, face first, on the blankets. How could I have done that? Why? It had just slipped my mouth before I noticed it. Stupid woman! She did on purpose, I was sure of it. She had done it to embarrass me.

I blushed, actually… I had kind of enjoyed the sensation. Wait! No! What was I thinking. It had just been some primal reaction I hadn't controlled. Everyone who had senses would have reacted that way. It was not like I reacted that way because she had been the one to do it. It just never happened before. Well duh… no one was as weird to do something like that… Except Shizuru of course. It had been her fault, she was the cause. I was all set for being angry at the woman but nothing came. The only thing I started to feel was regret because I had yelled at her. I groaned. Why couldn't I act normally around her? I buried myself under the blankets and laid down in silence for a while. Just as I felt myself relax a little I heard the door open. I looked up from underneath the safety of my blanket and saw Shizuru standing in the doorway.

"May I enter, Natsuki" She asked in a soft and almost regretful tone. It didn't really sound like a question.

"Humph" I mumbled which was equal to yes and I hid under my blankets again. I heard her close the door and walk towards the bed. She sat down beside me and I slowly sat up, still wrapped inside the safety of my blanket so that only my face was visible. I didn't really know why I suddenly was so fed up. I mean she did these kind of things all the time and usual I laughed about it. But this time had been different. Or at least my reaction had been different. Usually I responded with some snappy comment or a growl. But this time I hadn't done anything. I had just let it happen. And on top that I had made that horrible sound. I looked up and met Shizuru's gaze. The expression on her face showed doubt and… fear? Oh shit. She probably thought I was angry at her. I acted like a big baby. Immediately, guilt washed over me. She looked so vulnerable again, it was the same expression she had on the train station the day we met. I didn't know if she did it on purpose, but this was her true self showing. Afraid, uncertain and terrible lonely. She wasn't hiding her feelings behind her smile like she usually did. Somewhere in the back of my head I was proud that she was her true self in front of me. The feeling was immediately followed by a strong urge to protect and I frantically tried to think of something to comfort her, to show her I wasn't angry but just acted like my idiot self again. I sat up and wrapped half of my blanket around her and leaned against her shoulder with my own.

"I'm sorry" I whispered so soft I feared she didn't hear me. "You never seize to surprise me, you know" I added.

She smiled. "What a uncharacteristically thing to say for Natsuki"

I felt her body relax against mine and she sighed comfortable. I felt relieved, at least I hadn't hurt her feelings.

We sat in silence for a long time. Neither of us moved a muscle. Simply enjoying each other's presence. We sat on the middle of the bed, I had my knees up and arms wrapped around them and she sat with her legs crossed. I realized how odd it was for me to care so much about someone, especially since I knew her for such a short amount of time. I mean, Mai never managed to get me apologize to her and this woman only has to make a sad face and all I wanted to do was sink to my knees and beg for forgiveness. Maybe it was because we were related? Something in my head told me that couldn't be it and whatever told it was very certain. Something inside the deepest corners of my heart told me I already knew what it was, but I was refusing to listen. That couldn't be it. It just couldn't be. There were so many reasons why that couldn't and shouldn't be it. For instance… Uhw…

I couldn't think of anything.

.! there _was_ a very good reason I was sure of it. It was impossible for me to have feelings for her.

I inwardly gasped. The thought shocked me. It didn't really come as a surprise. I mean, I had just been denying it. But to actually _think_ it did snapped me back to reality. I was glad it was so dark in here, because I suspected I was blushing again. Now I did had a reason why it couldn't possibly be true! She was a woman. And I didn't love women. And women in this century didn't love other women either right? At least I never heard of Victorian people wanting gay rights or something. That was something from the last… 50 years? Oh and on top of that, she was related to me. You don't fall in love with your family. At least not when you're sane.

Well, it's legal to marry your cousins and distant family right? And Shizuru and I are as distant as possible. So… it's not like it would be completely deranged if I fell for her. And I'm not even that sure I'm straight… Yeah I never loved a woman…. But I never loved a guy either. I always thought it was because the guys I knew were still too childish and stuff but it could be that I liked woma- Wait! I just found two reasons why I couldn't love her and the first thing I do is justifying myself. It didn't make sense. I didn't make sense. I don't love her… it's just that… If she wasn't here… I would be all alone in this scary place. With no shelter and food. She made it really bearable and even fun to be here. That was why I cared so much for her. I sighed in relief. My life depended on her and I saw her almost every moment of the day.

I was so deep in thought I had almost forgotten that Shizuru was next to me. But I was reminded of it when I felt her shift. She turned so that she was facing me, making me nearly fall over because I had unknowingly been leaning against her with my whole body and weight. She chuckled and smiled at me for a moment but suddenly turned serious. I saw she was making some mental decision and was clearly in doubt. I took it as a opportunity and shifted so that I was now facing her as well. Ready for whatever was going to happen. She seemed to have made up her mind and looked at me with a determined expression.

"Natsuki?" she spoke my name really carefully, as if it was something fragile.

"Yes?" I tried to give her a reassuring smile

"A-at the train station, on the day we met… Why?..." She paused for a moment. "Why where you there?" She continued with a more steady voice.

It was a question I had hoped she wouldn't ask. But I had know that one day she would ask it. I just wished it would have been later because I had no idea how to answer it. Maybe I should tell her I got lost or took the wrong train or fell asleep on the station. Or a combination of the three. I mentally slapped myself. Even Kiyo was smart enough to see that was a total lie, and even if a miracle happened and Shizuru would believe me it still didn't explain my behavior afterwards. I wouldn't stay with her if had just taken the wrong train, if I was lost I would try to find my way back and if I fell asleep on the station I would have just walked home. And the only explanation for staying with her would be that I was homeless. Something that didn't really appeal to me for a reason. Even though it was true in some weird twisted way. I decided to tell her the truth, minus the me being from the future part of course. Wouldn't want to confuse her pretty brains now, wouldn't we?

"I… I don't know"

Oh, yeah great in telling the truth Natsuki, you might as well have said you tripped off a star while you were dancing the rain dance on it and crashed down on earth. Okay, second try.

"I mean I don't really know what I was doing there, or how I got there. I just suddenly _was_ there."

Well, that was the truth as far as I could tell her right? The truth was I didn't know what happened, only where I came from. And she didn't ask that. I looked at her and her eyes met mine, I stared into hers, hoping I would see a glint that would tell me she believed me. She smiled.

"So you suddenly were there right?" She said while still smiling "And you don't remember anything from before it?"

"No I do, I just don't know how I ended up at that place" I remained silent an hoped that she wouldn't ask what I remembered. And thankfully she didn't, instead she let me off surprisingly easy.

"Well I suppose I have to trust Natsuki then right? She wouldn't lie to me. Or at least not if it wasn't something she is not supposed to tell me"

I sighed in relief. She believed me! And it was true, I didn't lie to her. I only didn't really understand what she had meant with the last part. Sure I hadn't told her everything but that wasn't lying right? And besides, it was for her own good. I pictured myself safe inside my room talking to someone who claimed was from the future. I would either freak out or think the person was insane. And both were situations I would rather avoid seeing Shizuru in.

"Yeah, kind of weird right? I mean, isn't it strange I ended up there, and also at exactly the right moment? Who knows what might have happened if I didn't came to rescue you. I saved the damsel in distress " I laughed. I had always wanted to say that last part, and I couldn't think of a better moment to say it. You know… with me being in the past and stuff.

That was the worst possible thing to say.

Her eyes shifted from gentle to terrified and she gasped.

"You- you know? No, you don't right?" She sounded panicked and roughly grabbed my shoulders." Tell me you don't know!"

"Don't know what?" I replied. Yet another mistake. I should have just said 'I don't know' Instead of this, but it had been a reflex. I couldn't really think clear with someone shaking my shoulders. Apparently telling someone the truth doesn't equal to chatting and laughing with them about it.

"That I was…." She yelled but stopped and seemed to realize something horrible. "Oh my God I was, I really was… was going to… do _it_" She whispered so soft I barley heard it. She lowered her head and stared at the bed. I felt her grip on my shoulders loose.

She looked up again and met my eyes.

"Natsuki" She asked, her voice drained from emotion "What do you think I was doing at the train station?"

Another question I had hoped she wouldn't ask. How was I going to answer that? I knew what she was going to do but I couldn't possible tell her that like it was nothing. Besides I couldn't explain how I knew it anyway.

"I- uh… You were going to take a train?" Okay screw being honest. There was no way I could tell her the truth in the face.

"If I was there for a train then why didn't I take one? I went home with you. Remember?" She stared at me, waiting for a response.

"Uh? Because you missed it?" She didn't movie a muscle, apparently my answer didn't qualify.

"Because you where waiting for someone?" I tried again. I probably was a bad liar because she closed her eyes and sighed angrily.

"Natsuki. The truth please" She spoke in a chilling and demanding voice.

I felt desperate. I didn't want to tell her such a thing in the face, I didn't want to make her feel bad but I was out of options.

"You…" I started and tried to control my nerves. "You were going to…you know… end it…right?"

She froze. For a small moment I think even her heart stopped beating. And then she broke. Everything she had tried to hide and put away in the deepest corner of her soul for the past weeks came out at once. She collapsed and I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her in a tight embrace.

"Natsuki, I was… I was going to do it. I really was…" She sobbed into my neck. "Oh, how could I Natsuki? How I could do something like that to Kiyo? I'm horrible"

"No you're not"

It was 'being brave' time now.

"Yes, I am. Don't try and make it sound better Natsuki because that is futile. Instead of being there for my child I tried to take the easy way and leave everything at once" She replied weakly.

"It just seemed so much easier that way" She continued "So wouldn't have to feel that killing pain and loneliness I have felt for so long ever again. Then I could just be in peace forever"

"You're broken" I whispered as soft as I could since part of me didn't want her to hear it. "But, I'll fix you. I promise" I felt her shiver slightly against me. She had heard me.

I still couldn't believe this woman who seemed so strong was so on the edge. I felt my heart break if I thought of her sitting here alone every night, crying. Trying to smile while she was dying from the inside. It was true what she said. She had tried to take the easy way and leave everything, including her daughter, behind. But for me that didn't mean she was horrible. It just meant she had trouble and there was no one out there to help her.

But now she had me.

That was true. I was here to help her now. I came here at exactly the right moment. I stopped her from making the biggest mistake of her live. And, much to my delight, she seemed to really need me and even depend on me. Perhaps that was the reason I was here now. Maybe I was meant to be here. For her. Perhaps fate, God or some other thing had send me here on purpose. To save her.

I carefully laid her down on the bed, pulled the blankets over us and laid down next to her. She burrowed her head into my chest, wrapped her arm around my waist and sighed contently. I smiled, she had some nerve, taking advantage of my caring mood. With my free hand I softly stroked her hair.

"It appears I was right after all"

"Huh?"

"You are an angel"

"Ha? What?" I moved my head up and leaned on my elbow. What kind of nonsense was she talking about?

She giggled. "Silly, you are my guardian angel. You are the one who protected me and came to me when I needed it most"

"You mean the day I met you?" I didn't feel like calling it train station, I hated the place by now.

"Indeed. Right before I was going to… do it… I was praying with all my might someone or something would stop me, since I couldn't do it anymore. And then… when I prayed, you were suddenly there, out of nowhere. Like you came from the sky"

Now it was my time to laugh. Me? A angel? I could already see myself complete with white wings and a halo sitting on a cloud.

"You couldn't be more wrong Shizuru. I'm not that much of a saint" I was always convinced that if there was something called heaven and hell, I would be going straight to the depths of hell.

"Then how to you clarify you sudden appearance?"

"I….. can't…. I'm sorry Shizuru, I cannot tell you that. Not yet at least"

"Then, until you tell me what really happened, you will be my angel" And with that she pushed me down again, lay down half her body on top of me, placed one of her legs between mine, in an almost suggestive way and wrapped both arms firmly around me.

She yawned, as if she was saying 'This conversation is over, goodnight, if you need me I'll be sleeping' and remained silent after that. I stayed awake for a while after that. This whole conversation had been confusing me. Everything she had told me and how she acted when we were alone and the real her showed. Although my mind was chaotic now one thing was clear, I never want to lose this woman again. The impact she had on me was enormous and being around her made me simply a lot more happier. I finally had a friend. Or a mother in some sort of twisted way. Although that seemed wrong somehow. I couldn't really see why.

"Na-Tsu-Ki… You're mine" Shizuru mumbled and snuggled up even closer, making me blush deeply. Was she really asleep?

Well at least she was in peace now. For now.

* * *

Aaaaaannndddd finished!!

….. Please don't hate me for not updating for such a long time…(If you hadn't forgotten me and my story that it…) I just couldn't bring myself to writing, an every time I tried I felt like everything sucked… But a few days ago I kicked myself really hard and now I'm writing again:-D

I'll try to update as much as I can from now on, because I really want to work on the plot and stuff.

Also, I would really like to thank Ookami Z, She acted as my beta(Because I reaaalllyyy need one)

Please tell me if you liked it, I love reviews(As any other writer here…:P)

E.S


	4. They

Chapter 4 They

When I woke up the next morning the sun was already up and I was late. I had expected Shizuru to be still in bed with me(after all, she fell asleep there) or that she at least would've woke me up. Part of me was a little disappointed, I had been counting on a somewhat more 'colorful' wake up. But now I had to hurry. So after I put my clothes on and hid my corset under the bed. I still refused to wear it and had decided to hide it under the bed. I'm sure Shizuru noticed, after all you look like… thinner or something when you wear it, but as long as she wasn't saying something about it neither would I.

I ran downstairs, hoping to find Shizuru and Kiyo having breakfast. But no, the table was empty. I couldn't be early, I was sure of that. So I was way too late. I looked at the clock(yes they have those things here, only there are not batteries, you have to wind them up or something, I saw Shizuru doing it a few times) As soon as I saw the time I felt embarrassed, I wasn't only late for breakfast, I was late for lunch as well. Now I used to do that all the time when I lived here, but now that I was here with Shizuru I suddenly felt bad about it.

Then I heard something coming from the garden. I exited the house and looked for the source, it came from the stables. Well, it was a garage in the future… or rather the present for me, but here it was a stable. Shizuru had told me while showing me around the house. But that meant there were horses there. And I didn't like horses. It's not that I held a grudge against them or something, it's just that when I was little I fell of one and decided they were not meant for me to ride on. No I preferred my motorcycle, which was also something people wouldn't expect me, a young woman, to drive. And trust me, before I did it I never intended to do it. But it was the only thing my father was truly passionate about and willing to share with me. So, much to my mother's distress, he taught me everything he knew about them, including how to drive them. And when he passed away I inherited his and both because of him and because I had grown attached to it I kept driving it. Until I was zapped to the past that is. And now I find myself missing some speed in my life.

I walked towards the stabled and entered, realizing that this was my first time entering the building in the past.

"Natsuki! You're up" A familiar voice spoke happily, interrupting me from my thoughts. I looked up and met a pair of even more familiar, beautiful eyes. Dressed in timely clique dresses in different variations of light purple, adorned with a detailed hat she was brushing a horse, together with Kiyo, also dressed equally stylish in a white dress with laces on every angle. She looked up, grinned broadly and gave a short wave before continuing her job .

"Yeah… morning" I grumbled, immediately regretting the tone I used. "Sorry I am… late" I continued slightly friendlier.

"Apology accepted" She said jokingly and winked. Oh dear, I eyed her suspiciously. She seemed in such a good mood that there had to be something wrong… She probably had some secret plan up her sleeve

"Shizuru… Why the happy face?" I asked semi-jokingly.

She smiled mischievous. "Natsuki? Have you ever been on a horse before?"

Suddenly I felt a wave of nausea overwhelm me. I did _not _ like where this was going.

"When I was little yes, however I fell off so there's no way I am going on one now!"

"Perfect" was her only reply and, I thought it was impossible, her smile grew even wider. She turned to Kiyo. "Dear? Is everything prepared? Are we ready?"

"Yes!" The girl chimed. "Everything we need is in there" She said pointing at a basket on the back of the white horse she had been combing.

"Okay then" She clapped her hands "Were ready to go then" Wait what? Ready to go? They were going to leave me here? Alone? I felt the good mood they had got me in drop. I stared at the ground, looking a little disappointed.

"Ohw!" Shizuru suddenly exclaimed shocked, causing me to look at her. She pressed her palm against her forehead "Kiyo, we have a terrible problem here" Said she in an even more alarmed tone, making me concerned.

"What mother?" Kiyo replied sounding just as concerned.

"How are we going to take Natsuki with us? She just told us she cannot ride a horse"

"Oh no!" Kiyo said and put a hand for her mouth. "How're we going to take her with us then?"

"Well…"Shizuru said and took on a thinking pose. "Kiyo, it seems that the time for you to ride alone has come. I know you are capable of it, I have watched you practice so many times"

I saw Kiyo's mood switch from concerned to extremely happy with the speed of light. Her eyes grew big and het smile now matched Shizuru's

"You mean I can ride alone outside? On my own? F'course I can do that Mother! I promise I won't let you down" I smiled at the child's innocent happiness, she sure was different from the little brats that played in my street.

"Well, that solves the problem then" Shizuru said and turned to me. "You can go with us then" She continued and I remembered I was still completely clueless about what was going to happen.

"Go where?" I finally managed to say.

"To the fields just outside the village" Shizuru said as if I just asked the most dump question.

"Ah…Okay then." That didn't seem like a bad idea. It would be nice to see how everything outside the village had changed in all those years. "Wait.. What? We are going there on a horse? Me? On that thing?" I pointed at the 'thing' I was referring too to prove my point. It seemed offended.

"Well yes of course, my dear. We cannot just simply fly there. Or did you plan to walk? It's awfully far you know."

"No. No no no, there is no way you're gonna get me on a horse"

Shizuru smiled innocently and I knew there was no way I would win this. I was going to get on that god forbidden thing that was surely going to do everything in its might to drop me of.

God, I wish I had my bike right now.

Yup, I'm on the horse now. Actually riding it. And hating it. Now, the good thing about this was that I at least had the certainty I was not going to fall of anytime soon. The bad thing, however, was that Shizuru's arm wrapped around my waist was the cause of that. The woman has no shame. My heart was racing faster than this horse on drugs ever would and I wasn't sure what caused it. I was holding the manes with all my might but still I was absolutely sure I would drop off if she would let go. I felt like a child for needing her to hold me.

"This is fun isn't it? Tsuki!"

I looked to my left where the happy 5-year old was galloping like a pro.

"Ye-yeah.. it's… refreshing." I heard Shizuru chuckle behind me. Goddamn witch.

"Isn't it? I'is so much fun with the wind and the…. the everything!" I laughed at her inability to come up with examples. But why would she even bother? She was having so much fun.

I suddenly noticed something familiar. Walls. And no, not regular walls. I mean city walls, with gates and everything. The old and cracked walls that I used to pass by five days a week where there, except in full glory. No cracks, missing bricks, damage or plants on it. And here it actually served as a city wall. Back in my time it was just some old monument in the middle of the city. Most parts were torn down, only a few bits were left of it. The city continued way beyond the walls in the future but here they were the edge of the village. Protecting it from the outside. We approached the main gate, which I recognized from leftovers in my time, and we slowed down. There were two guards who didn't look very friendly and I felt Shizuru stiffen a bit. What? Was it illegal to exit or something? Fucking prison.

"Good day Gentlemen" Shizuru gracefully tipped her hat and nodded at them. "We are going out for a walk. I hope that is fine with you? There are no problems, right?"

The guards looked at Shizuru, then shifted their gaze at me and stared at me. I felt a cold shiver going up my spine. Were they on to me? Was this village still so small everyone knew everyone and they figured I didn't belong here? As I was panicking I felt Shizuru softly nudge my waist. It calmed me a little trough I didn't know what it meant. The guards seemed to be done probing me with their eyes and motioned for us to move along.

As we exited the gate I felt relief whelm over me.

"Gee, those weren't very friendly." I told Shizuru as we were running at full speed again.

"Yes, they are probably in a bad mood… or something." She didn't sound very truthful and I couldn't resist asking.

"What? You know them? Ohh, I bet one of them is your ex and you dumped him didn't you? Good girl, they aren't worth your time."

I felt a shock going through Shizuru and I immediately knew I said the wrong thing.

"Natsuki" She said softly. "Please, don't. I'm afraid I have no answer"

"Oh…" was all I could say and we remained silent for the rest of the trip. As the horses headed in the right direction all I could see was the city that wasn't there, recognizing certain points where buildings or parks will be in the future. We came across a huge rock lying in the forest, and after a moment I realized that in the future that rock will serve in keeping a small park dry, he will be the roof of countless pick nicks, tea times and other things people did to amuse themselves in that park. I had always thought it a clever construction and it was incredibly fun to be quietly sipping tea in a lux chair while all around you water came crashing down. It had been a nice place, a few chairs and a table, ivy climbed around the walls and the gated windows, and even on the roof the plant as abundant. Seeing that rock in the wilderness brought fond memories back. Drinking tea with Mai and our other friends, just barely making it dry to the safe haven with Mikoto, and then forced to spend the night under that roof.

And yet here all those things hadn't happen yet, here it was just a rock, home to a vast amount of insect and amphibian species. I attempted to visualize the road that rock must have taken to go from a simple forest rock to a greatly loved park roof.

"My apologies for interrupting your…thoughts, but may I be so bold as to ask why Natsuki has been smiling fondly at a rock for quite a while now? I might just go and think you've gone insane if you don't help me explaining this"

I playfully nudged her side with my elbow, trying to hide the fact that I had been spacing out so badly that I had even forgotten she was there. "It's not _the rock_ I'm being fond of Shizuru, it's the thoughts that came with them, past stories that still linger in it" _Present stories, actually. But let's not make this more difficult than it needs to be._

"Ara, Natsuki has hidden stories, tied to a rock in the middle of a forest. One has to wonder deeply as to what kind of live dear Natsuki may have led prior to our introduction"

"M-maybe!" Kiyo blurted out exited "Maybe she's not from here!" Her face grow solemn and looked around her as if to look for people that may be eavesdropping , with a determined look she rode her horse over to Natsuki's and climbed up and stood up straight, so that her face was on equal with Natsuki's , who was still sitting slouched on the horse.

Kiyo brought her face real close, and with a last reassuring look to her mother who was merely inches away she whispered "Tsuki? Are you one of those magical fairies that sometimes come to our world? Jan 't school said he'd seen one, by the waterfall, but she was all seethroughy and he couldn't see it very well" She turned her head back and pondered for a moment. "We dun't believe him we'd said, told him right off wi' is fairytales and nonsense" She looked troubled for a moment but before I could speak up she suddenly looked up and faced me. "Bu I'll believe you Tsuki, only if it's you"

I found two large pleading eyes staring at me expectantly, I attempted to look away but quickly realized that had been a bad plan. Four eyes, there were now four pleading eyes looking in my general direction. How am I going to get myself out of this, I can't tell them the truth but I most certainly can't tell them I'm a pretty magical fairy from fairy land who came here on a quest to save the flowers but got lost. My pride alone wouldn't allow it. No, I'll shall have to tell them a degree of the truth, they have earned that right, just not with the words 'time travel' or 'future' included.

I sighed and grabbed Kiyo, carefully picking her off her horse and planting her in front of me, so that she was facing me. I was vaguely aware of Shizuru behind me grabbing the reins and letting the horses calmly walk on. I'd bed my bike she was listening just as intently as her daughter, more even, maybe. "No, little one. I am not a magical creature and I don't have any magical powers. But what I can tell you is that I'm from somewhere else and it was an accident, me ending up here I mean. I got trapped and send here, and now I don't know how to get back, this is not the place where I belong"

Kiyo closed her eyes and crossed her arms for a moment. "Hmmm, tha'is really sad, that you'd be taken from your home and be sent here where you don't know anything n'all" Her face lights up and she stares up at me again with those blazing eyes of hers "But I know!" She exclaims. "I know, we'll help you, right mama? 'N we'll take care of you and teach you stuff so that you will know everything here, we can make this your new home! Right mama?" I could hear the excitement and hope shimmering through her voice, she made it all sound so simple, there really wasn't much I could be doing now anyway, since I had no clue whatsoever as to how to try and find a way back home, my real home. I smiled, I might just go along with this little genius's plan,…unless.

I turned to look at Shizuru, for she was the one who could make or break me right now. If she said, or even hinted at, that my stay at her house was not expected to be of a longer nature then I'd be on the streets again, alone in this hostile world where I didn't know the ways, where I stood out like a Giraffe amongst Zebra's. I felt panic flutter in my chest but as I reached up to look at Shizuru's eyes all panic fades. The look in her eyes says it all. Hope, happiness, gratefulness, vulnerability, warmth and love.

"I would be very pleased if you could stay longer Natsuki, the house has been far too quiet for far too long" She motions for Kiyo to come and once the girl is in her arms she holds her protectively, a hand gently brushing through the long locks. "You are a blessing for both of us"

She gives me another of those looks filled with all kinds of emotions, this time accompanied by an amazing smile that reflects in her eyes, and I realize that I wouldn't mind trying to get that smile to be there for a more permanent matter.

Okay, just so you know, you all have earned the right to murder me. I haven't updated in so many years it's just demonic. I'm so sorry. I even know how it feels to be a reader and wait and wait and wait and then forget.

It's just that life happened, my parents divorced, I failed school, got nearly kicked out, had some psychological issues due to dealing with my parents and their ability at making a divorce messy. And then my grandmother died and my parents started dating others and all in all they just weren't favorable circumstances to write under. But now live is better and I'm on a relaxed track and I plan on starting to update again. You all have my apologies.

Lisa


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